I paint a really pretty picture in this little ol' space of mine.
Words that flow together just so; some nice photos to match the words; those photos capture the best times; the words are edited and erased and written again.
The real me has no edit button; no backspace; no do-overs.
The real me is pretty awkward and very clumsy. I embarrass easily and try not to show it, but my flaming red cheeks are a dead giveaway.
Sometimes, I trip over my words, and they come out too fast, and then my cheeks get red again.
The real me feels ugly; both inside and out.
The real me feels like I can never be thin enough, even though the number on the scale never changes. Sometimes I put on my "fat" jeans so I can make sure they still fall off of me even though my "skinny" clothes feel like they're suffocating me.
The real me is pretty weird. Sometimes, I can't believe I landed a husband. I'm sure I'm going to be one of those moms that will embarrass her kids.
The real me feels very inadequate a lot of the time; not worthy to be their mother or his wife. A lot of the time I feel like a huge, embarrassing failure...oh, it's just Jen, oh, that's something Jen would do, oh, good try Jen...even my name irritates me.
The real me is very shy until you get to know me.
The real me feels like I have a note on my forehead telling me some improvement is always required, both inside and out.
The real me has no clue what I'm doing a lot of the time...fake it til you make it is my motto.
The real me wishes I could do something extraordinary with my life; but the other real me bursts my bubble with a pin-prick of logic and brings me back to reality with a thud.
The real me is a big dork, who gets excited about Thursday night T.V., and Friday night pizza nights, and a new scent of shampoo or a new nail polish color.
Sometimes, I don't like the real me...
Sometimes I swear, dear friend, that you and I run on a parallel horizon. I *just* had This Day too. And I think These Thoughts too. The only difference I can see is that you were brave enough to say it out loud.
ReplyDeleteThank the Lord there can only be *one* of each of us, but *many* friends. That way, the kinder, less judgmental, more loving and FAR more *realistic* (ahem) voices of our friends... stand a pretty fair chance at drowning out our own voice, at times like this. (And I hear that their chances are also greatly improved by adding lots of asterisks and other emphatic symbols, when they type comments on our blogs.)
I hope that I can help that happen to you. ((Not the emphatic symbol thing ;) per se.)) I mean, hope I can be one of the loudest, most obnoxious (but well-meaning!) voices you've ever heard! So that -eventually - you'll throw up your hands and say, "FINE, Eden... Fine. I totally, completely, 100% think I am the COOLEST person I know. Whatever it takes just to shut. you. up!" ;D
But seriously. I GUARANTEE you, I promise with all of my rambling, loud and wordy heart, :) that every single person out there who just read this post, is shaking their heads in disbelief and disagreement, and yelling at the computer screen, "WHAT?! My sweet, lovely, charming, creative, dedicated, talented, kind, super-wise, generous, beautiful, intelligent, loyal, and wonderful mother, wife, blogger and friend... I LOVE the real you!!!! AND your name."
(And as a side note. Are you kidding? Runner-Mom Jen is THE coolest name. Ever. Just sayin.)
And I can think of one other Person out there who's been trying to tell you that every second of every day of your life. You are so uniquely, so wonderfully YOU, that He could place you in a crowd of all the 10-million or some-odd Jens who ever existed... And He would find you instantly. Because you're *that* special to Him.
And, He "made you in His image." My guess is, since God isn't usually depicted as a blonde, gorgeously earthy, wildly blue-eyed, female athlete with a lovely smile? He must have made you in the image of His God-ESS. Yeah that's right. His Godess. ((Betcha never thought of it that way, did you?)) ;)
So whenever you look in that mean old mirror, just remember that... "God made me in the image of someone He loves like crazy."
And if that doesn't work, just call me. ;) Listen to how ridiculous someone ELSE can sound when she opens her mouth. Trust me, you'll feel much better!! Lol j/k
Seriously though, you must have absolutely NO idea how uniquely good and beautiful you are. I just love you sweetest friend!!!! Lots and lots of hugs! Keep being you, for all our sakes. :) OK?
So shouldn't there be some kind of comment police out there? ;) Sorry, just had to add that I LOVE your Christmas banner. It is perfect!!!
DeleteYou are human and we all feel like this at times. I was reading some of these nodding my head thinking "yup me too!". You are a beautiful person inside and out and your kids might be embarrassed - it comes with the job. They will love you endlessly though!
ReplyDelete